Happy Mother’s Day to anyone and everyone out there mothering this world… Through all of life’s situations, I think being a mother has provided so many amazing highs. At the same time accompanied by a roller coaster of turbulence. But all worth the beautiful journey. This week covers bravery, growth and community. With a hint of perspective and a reminder.
A few years ago my daughter showed me such bravery. She communicated honestly how she had been feeling for a few years. She opened up during a car drive. Check out my article on ” Teen Parent to Parent of a Teen” https://jemsmind.com/teen-parent-to-parent-of-a-teen/ for some insight on how this is a positive part of our journey.
She shared turmoil and experiences of abuse that I was not aware of. Honestly, at the time I thought I knew how safe my children were. But I came to realize, that statement is never true. As there are so many factors in this life that affect the safety and health of a child. Where we are not privy to know or truly understand why so many adverse situations come about.
As I grow as a mother I continue learning while looking deeper and adding to the list of ways to protect my children from environmental influences. Keeping the tangible toxic chemical away is easy… To some extent… check out @jemsbiz on Instagram for ways we’re removing harmful chemicals from our home.
Talking about the chemical culture we grew up on is a whole different article, we’ll get to another day.
But in this instance where my daughter was sharing her struggles, the only thing that I could control was how to support her through the journey. The damage already ripped through years past. Where this little person then internalized and suffered for years alone. From this I knew that so many external influences made her choose to keep things to herself.
Where we discussed an experience she had in the past and that possibly rooted in her keeping things quiet. That past experience goes something like this.
6-year-old Susannah was excluded by her classmates during recess because her skin tone was darker than theirs. So she went to speak with an adult recess monitor. As she approached she was met with a question…”Are you coming to tattletale on someone or can you and your friends work it out together?” Being six, my child thought she was tattling. So she turned on her heels and went and played with some other kids. These last few sentences highlight a few tools that I try to instill into my child.
- seeking an adult’s help in times of need or confusion.
- Stepping away from people when you are NOT being treated with respect and the way you deserve…
Now, this experience was presented as a memory, 2 years after the fact. Why you might ask… Well, the 6-year-old thought she was tattling and didn’t want to get in trouble. I believe she only brought it up when she realized that it was racism. This whole situation was a disgusting display of ignorance. I grit my teeth as I speak now about it… My child, my 6-year-old child should never have been given the responsibility to decide the gravity of the situation… Also another article for the future… This is just one example that the public school experience failed and left an extremely bad taste in our mouths….
Through this conversation helping her find her voice, and knowing it matters. That she has impact and that many situations, whether you’re a child or an adult require exterior perspective. Knowing that many multiple-sided issues like the one mentioned above could have been rectified or at least learned from. By bringing in fresh eyes to the situation. Ideally implementing programming for education of the topic…
Regardless, another portion of her timidness to share situations could also fall upon her need to want to make Mommy happy. Most children if not all are pleasers. If you give them praise, they’ll eat it up and continue to look for more through their actions. Actually, a lot of behaviour comes from attention or lack thereof. But I am not a professional child behaviour analyst, so that’s just personal observation.
Anyway, through our discussion we talked about what this life has to offer. That there is so much in life to live for. That situations that others place upon you should not ever degrade to a place where self-harm or others are used as a coping strategy. That an adult’s abuse of power over a child has everything to do with the lack of self-esteem and internal issues of that adult and NOTHING to do with the child.
Through all of this, mental health became top priority. Not that it wasn’t before, but in this case far overdue to bring in professional help. At this point teaching my daughter that there is a time and place for professional health opinion. That mental health is part of your physical overall health. That you need to go to the doctor for the mind sometimes. Just as you have to go to the doctor for the physical. It was a mission to build coping skills. To support a healthy journey, that includes follow through and follow up with those skills. A lifetime commitment to taking care of one’s self.
Also, as a parent I know we have provided access to the knowledge to allow this child to grow into an adult that can cope and contribute in a healthy way. As well as, to make sure that this child doesn’t phase out of the system. Not being able to acquire some medical coverage and or move into the masses seeking help through social assistants. The financial attribute has been a stress on our family and we have some coverage and an amazing support system.
Yet having decent medical coverage through work now still doesn’t cut it. In our case there are minimal contributions for mental health counselling or other. Only providing 2 to 3 covered professional sessions for the year. Where situations often require weekly intervention, if not daily in some cases. Where mental health hospital capacity in Ontario can’t support the growing need.
I believe that every doctor’s office should have a counsellor(s) that gets paid by OHIP and anyone should be able to go to them via appointment. The same could be said about optometry and other non-covered health essentials that can help prevent or catch early onset issues that could reduce strain on the medical system. Anyway, how busy those counsellors are when it is covered by OUR social dollars. Your Tax dollars… Will tell us what kind of investments the future needs. Possibly providing a deeper perspective on the mental health of Ontarians. Also providing easier access to the tools that are supposedly available yet are so hard to find…
Through a quick Google search I found a few articles that provide a little insight on the public health system requiring help, before COVID-19.
Let’s start with a positive, ish… The article below is about adding a significant amount of money into increasing mental health hospital beds for seniors. To me this looks like we are playing catch up, and this is only addressing one demographic of our population. [5]
Where a lack of community outreach and prevention is also not present. It takes a village to raise healthy well-rounded people, not to mention managing one’s own health journey.
The article below published in 2019 is highlighting Ontario’s lack of mental health support for youth. Just pushing it home, this article references 40% of our youth in 2019 were struggling with depression and anxiety…. Before Covid-19 and all of this political upheaval. [1]
https://www.tvo.org/article/what-er-visits-for-self-harm-reveal-about-ontarios-mental-health-system
Then to make things feel like progression is slower than molasses…. This article below that was published in 2017 references a significant need for better follow-up after mental health and self-harm crisis shows up at the ER…. [2]
AND
To drive things a little bit further home, check out the link below provided by the Canadian mental health association. Some ways to pursue help. Yet some of these options for support aren’t easily available at this time because of lockdowns and lack of autonomy. Not to mention the lack of preventatives, where a teacher, or a coach, or someone can pick up on potential preliminaries to crisis. Where it also only highlights suggestions on how to seek help. But not how to financially support and with only minor links down a rabbit hole. [4]
This reminded me of the time I took my daughter to, I believe it was the United Way. Where before we left I asked reception what I should do to find further support in crisis if necessary between now and the next session. The receptionist told me to search the “internet”… LIKE WHAT AM I PAYING FOR?!?!?… A Private counselling service doesn’t have a list of local resources on hand… Seems like a red flag to me. Are resources available? Or are the ones that are being utilized hidden to keep the numbers down? Creating confusion reduces accessibility…
Ugh…
Bringing things back, Our situation travelled down private counselling, psychology and psychiatrist visits.($$$$$$$) Thank goodness we can afford access. Kind of, we actually chose to prioritize. Where we had to rework extracurriculars so that we could afford counselling. Then through conversation and cognitive therapy. Reporting, supporting and implementing the past, to learning better coping mechanisms began. Sports and physical activity was at the pinnacle of this treatment. As well as, vitamins and minerals among other things specifically pertaining to how a young woman develops and her whole health systems.
Through these experiences, lock boxes for medication, sharp items like scissors and knives were implemented. Friends and connection nourished as its own form of therapy balancing the feelings. But also adding more, as all of your friends’ paths have their own struggles that intertwine through connection, support and providing a safe place to open up.
Have a read https://jemsmind.com/medical-adversity-a-canadians-perspective/ to elaborate more on intertwined paths.
I am so proud of my daughter’s journey and strength.
“Susannah showing and sharing your story, helping others through their hard times, working together on learning to live a healthy lifestyle, is inspirational.”
Susannah has learned so many coping mechanisms for life and mental health. She is applying them well, and learning to grow and cope through the change by managing her physical health to help promote mental health.
A lot of the push for finding coping mechanisms stemmed from myself. As a mother not wanting to jump on medication as the first form of treatment. Now this doesn’t mean that I am anti medication. If my child requires, then of course. But I refuse to start with what I believe should be the last option. That is of course if the situation dictates.
These days I find myself wondering how I manage to find support and instill a decent coping foundation for my child. Yet, I forget to take care of myself often. Is it forget? or is it prioritizing myself last. To the point where burnout occurs. I’ve seen it in my mother and myself.
” Mom, care for yourself as much as you care for me! “.
Take your own advice Jackie… Often I forget to recharge my own batteries. To take the advice I so willingly search for and share. Constantly striving to provide the best quality I can for my family. I think I find this difficult, as for so long I had the stamina to just get it all done. I was juggling all the balls…
Splitting time between,
No
Prioritizing tasks, as there’s not enough time to complete all of them at the same time. They happen sequentially and you prioritize what is important to you.
For me it is often👇
Children
Health and safety
Education
Management of the opportunities that I want to give to them (Extracurricular). So they can discover what they are meant to do in this world. How they are meant to contribute. Teaching them that each and every one of us should find something they love and find the angle to make money from that. With this alone equalling all businesses big or small are essential. That one person’s livelihood should not be compared and labelled as less than to another’s.
Check this, skilled trades never stopped working when COVID-19 hit. INDUSTRY ADAPTED where workplaces implemented procedures and protocols to reduce risk…
This isn’t new, have you ever heard of WHMIS… I’M PRETTY SURE THERE’S PROTOCOLS IN PLACE FOR WORKING IN A LAB THAT HOUSE VIRUSES… So I’m positive that we could come up with decent protocols… I know we already have something in place. As food processing plants are still chugging along putting food on our tables following government health and safety guidelines…
I hope you felt some of the sarcastic connotations in that last section….
Anyway, the way to rise out of this gong show is by adapting to the situation. I believe that everybody is trying to get back to the way things were before COVID-19. Which apparently is not possible according to government health officials… Which is great in my opinion because the system was FUCKED before COVID-19. We should not be looking for solutions to go back to the way things were. We should be rethinking, restructuring, and reimplementing a system that supports all around health, support and education. That includes a free society, and real community…
None of us truly understand each other’s stories. Where ignorance to others situations stem through privilege. Check out “Being Human” https://jemsmind.com/being-human/ for more on this.
Wow what a tangent back to what I prioritize… 👇
Planning and organizing extracurricular, play dates and holiday celebrations.
Work – Career Building – Money
My Education
Hobbies
Social – Sanity
Health – Mental and Physical
And so much more…
It’s all fluidly moving in order of priority of the day. This constant shift adds a level of complication that often leaves you at the bottom of the list. Yet, through the struggle of the juggling act, time ticks by, work gets done. But sometimes to the detriment of personal well being. A reminder to put yourself at the top of the priority list, often to encourage health and well-being. This ☝️ in my opinion is an effect of many Ontarians being victim to living to work, instead of working to live… Which all clouds our ability to collectively stand for better… There’s no blame to be laid individually. It’s not just the government, it’s not just the people, it’s all of us. We can do better… We must do better…
Through it all, I analyze and wonder how I managed to support my daughter through one of the most difficult times in her life. Looking through my looking glass, I feel and experience time of depression and overwhelming crippling isolation. This all exasperated by my village being BLOWN UP by lockdown rules. The support and community that I felt and had was unwavering. But through the fearmongering and the desolation of our communities we are all struggling.
Watching the dictation of what is essential and what is not essential is sickening… Has absolutely every scenario run through the minds of the decision makers? I think NOT, as for years before COVID the system was losing people through the cracks. The health care system, the public school system, community support and outreach system, the entire system.
That is not to the detriment of all the amazing people in the community striving to try to build everyone up and work together to make sure we don’t have our youth in ERs or elderly being abused. It’s due to lack of accountability, responsibility and mismanaging funds on many levels. Aa well as, OUR lack of holding accountably of ourselves and our government.
Communicate with your MPP. Let them know how you feel. Don’t get mad at our frontline workers and neighbours. It’s not them you’re pissed off at… We supposedly live in a democracy, so exercise your privilege to use your voice through proper channels…
There’s a movement today to encourage people to message their MPPs. Their goal is to raise voices against lockdowns… I agree there is a detriment to how lockdowns are affecting society… I am NOT suggesting we go back to the way it was. If you can work remotely, continue, this all a part us adapting to the situation. Finding solutions that keep people safe while changing procedures and protocols so we can care for the people of Ontario collectively. This topic is loaded and not an easy fix. When it comes to private businesses all should be open running with COVID protocol. BUT when it comes to social programming an entire system rebuild is required. With this I don’t mean to tear down the hard work of so many for so long. It is not the fault of all the people working on the ground. The system itself has handcuffed so many from flourishing for years. With that, I implore you to add on your frustrations not only about lockdowns but about the lack of responsibility, accountability and the mismanaging of our social programming and funds for years…
TO become more informed I suggest checking out the links below.
http://www.liftthelockdown.ca/
Then prioritize some time to share your perspective.
YOUR VOICE MATTERS…
Too often do I hear the use of defeatist words like “I’m only one person, I can’t make a difference”… 👈 This is not true…
If we all make small conscious choices in our daily lives, we can be the change we want to see.
Take the sample letter below, make it your own and send it to your MPP…
JEMI
Edit – WDI
“MPP Outreach Day
Together with many friends and supporters, this Monday, May 10, 2021, we will mount a Province wide MPP Outreach Day. We must increase the pressure on all MPPs to do whatever they can to end the lockdown and prove that they are in fact doing so.
We ask that you send an email to your MPPs Constituency Office on Monday May 10. Click here to find your MPP by postal code LINK and then google their constituency office email address. Below is a sample email for you to consider, but feel free to modify it as you see fit. MPPs must be put on notice that you, your family and neighbours will vote against them, unless they provide you with proof of their written effort to end the lockdown.
May 10, 2021
Dear MPP (Last Name),
My family and I are your constituents living on ________ (Rd/Street/Ave). We voted for you in the last election and expected you to represent us at Queen’s Park.
The Lockdown imposed on Ontario by Doug Ford is ineffective and extremely damaging.
The Lockdown is having a catastrophic effect on the health, mental health, social and economic well-being of Ontarians.
The Government of Ontario must focus on protecting vulnerable populations and Long Term Care homes.
It’s imperative that Ontario’s healthcare services are fully restored immediately.
The Lockdown is causing a devastating toll on our children. Kids must be back at school and resume sporting activities.
I ask that you write an email or letter to the Premier, ask that the Lockdown be lifted immediately and provide me with a copy of your letter.
If you don’t write such an email/letter or don’t send me a copy of it, I and my family will vote against you in next year’s election. We will post on social media that you do not represent your constituents and we will campaign against you.
You are welcome to call me at (000) 000-0000, but an email/letter to the Premier demanding that he Lifts the Lockdown is non-negotiable! Thank you for your understanding and for representing us.
(Your Name)
Thank you for supporting Lift The Lockdown, our litigation and this Monday’s MPP Outreach day.
Yours very truly,
Lift The Lockdown
http://www.liftthelockdown.ca/”[3]
Sources
[1] B. Sharpe, “What ER visits for self-harm reveal about Ontario’s mental-health system,” TVO.org. [Online]. Available: https://www.tvo.org/article/what-er-visits-for-self-harm-reveal-about-ontarios-mental-health-system. [Accessed: 10-May-2021].
[2] E. Anderssen, “Most mental-health patients don’t get timely psychiatric care in Ontario, study finds,” The Globe and Mail, 11-Dec-2017. [Online]. Available: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/most-mental-health-patients-dont-get-timely-psychiatric-care-in-ontario-study-finds/article37285740/. [Accessed: 10-May-2021].
[3] Lift the Lockdown. [Online]. Available: http://www.liftthelockdown.ca/. [Accessed: 10-May-2021].
[4] “Mental Health,” CMHA Ontario. [Online]. Available: https://ontario.cmha.ca/documents/getting-help/. [Accessed: 10-May-2021].
[5] Ontario Newsroom. [Online]. Available: https://news.ontario.ca/en/release/60034/ontario-adding-more-mental-health-beds-and-programs-for-seniors. [Accessed: 10-May-2021].