Dad vs Father

Through my journey, I have come to know a difference between a Dad versus a Father and it goes something like this… 

I have experienced three biological fathers to my children. All with a unique history. A history that may or may never be told publicly. But regardless of the history I am grateful for my children and how their existence came to be. Some might condemn my journey, but that doesn’t matter to me. As I truly believe things come to be, what they’re supposed to naturally. So much so, that even conscious thought and choices can be totally flipped upside down if you’re not on the path you’re supposed to be. Where some people come and go and others stay for the whole journey. Creating a dynasty of family.

I also know the perspective of my father, but I don’t call him that. He’s my Dad. He was there in my times of need. He was busy, he worked early mornings out of the house,10-12 hour days, working and commuting. But he was always there. He would show up to horse shows, drive me to work, take care of me when I was broken. T-ball, cottaging, fishing, woodwork, and maintenance around the house. Teaching me so many amazing things. Always, making time for the special occasions that we celebrate. An all around good man. 

Where my definition of Dad could be hard-working, hands on, logical yet loving family man. But really, there is a depth to a relationship between a daughter and her Dad or whatever endearing term you use, that would not be easily translated into words. 

A Dad deals with all the ups and downs that children face. It’s not easy being a dad. Caring for children can be trying at times. To say it lightly…………………………………………………………………………………………

 How do I know, because the same could be said for Moms. I  also am a daughter and recall myself as a child at least from my perspective.

With that, my Dad is saint-ish, I did a lot of stupid s*** that he had to deal with when I was a teen. He also supported me through illness. Illness that I never thought to be so serious as the patient. But looking back, I am grateful for my body’s ability to fight and modern medicine to heal. Understanding more now, I could have died. That perspective is terrifying, especially through the eyes of a parent. I don’t know what the perspective of my parents were during my most trying medical journey. They did an amazing job at supporting me. If they were worried about my life, I didn’t know it. I had amazing parents take care of my daughter while I was in hospital. Dad would come to the hospital every day before work to bring me some homemade food. My Dad would massage the pain to bearable. The list could go on. 

I remember my dad showing up to the barn and enjoying the small things that connect us humans with the animals. Relating to the personality of these beautiful creatures. He would always mention Walt Disney’s Donald duck’s, Dude Duck skit… If you’ve never seen it https://youtu.be/BRl3-L4fI1Q [1] it does a great job at highlighting how much personality horses can have. 

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that my dad put(s) so much into my world that would grant him Sainthood….. Where “ish” because he has his moments with other rolls or hats he wears. But don’t we all. Perhaps the “ish” is for recognition of being human. Or the quirks between the dad and his daughter. Ultimately, my Dad taught me that a Dad shows love and care by showing up for the beautiful storm of childhood and Beyond. 

I am truly blessed to have an amazing dad regardless of the turmoil and struggle we face. He supported me by allowing me to make my own mistakes. By standing by me during uncertain times. By showing up to celebrate my hard work. Where now, he continues to support by contributing immensely to the growth and development of my children. 

Dad, you have been a pillar of strength and stability through my entire life. Thank you for never giving up on me. You are a huge portion of who I am. My stubbornness, drive for perfection and heart to always stand by the people I love, were all nurtured and cultivated by you. 

Thank you for being an amazing dad to me and Papa to my children. Your stability, I know, helps the girls through their own paths relating to father. 

With this and my experience with horses, I found a definition that I believe is applicable to the term father. 

“A male animal who has sired an offspring” [2]

Where any male that impregnates females gains the title of father. But it takes more than that to be a dad. Where sometimes it even takes walking away to being a good dad. I know that sounds backwards. But children thrive with stability. Where understanding that and walking away sometimes is the best thing for the child. 

Now, from my perspective the role of Dad doesn’t only correspond with the definition of father. Where a dad does not have to sire a child. A dad doesn’t even need to be called Dad to consist of all the attributes that we define. Any man that helps support a mother in caring for her children might not gain a title.

But, actions always speak louder than words. 

Dad
Is for the way,
A man who steps up and plays. 
The roles without child’s delay. 
Hooray for they,
Deserve the brightest way. 
Come what may, 
You’re here to stay.
A great Dad,
In every way.

William, when I say our name the first word that “talk to text” presented was HOME. Couldn’t be closer to the truth. You are the comfort of home. You have been so supportive through all of the emotional rollercoaster that pregnancy, childbirth and recovery has to offer. Where it takes a long time to transition through all of the beautiful experiences. Where our son’s journey is only one perspective of the amazing dad that you are. 

Where, you’re steadfast gives peace and comfort to the girls. Even if it’s not visible now to them. You in combination to the other great men that you brought into our life in your dad and brother. Where this network of uncles, grandads and dad all contribute to supporting they’re beautiful children and family. To supporting, our two girls who have very different experiences and upbringing relating to fathers and Dad’s. Their stories are uniquely their own. Where processing and understanding will be a part of their journeys. With each day, each experience and show of support builds a foundation of trust. 

William, thank you for wanting to walk the beautiful storm of parenthood with me. The girls and I had a pretty strong village before you showed up. But the contribution of love and support from you and our expanding family is what dreams are made of… 

William
I am so grateful for you and all that you do. 
No words can compare, the life that we share. Through the despair, all you do is care. 
A rock or a tree, standing strong when we need.
The beauty that is and will be. 
A journey, a legacy. 
For we will always see, the light that’s meant to be. 
Through the three, who may or may not call you Daddy. 

With all of this and father day coming up next Sunday I want to say there really should be another day called DADs Day. Father’s Day can celebrate the creation of children. But Dad’s Day can celebrate the journey of the beautiful storms of raising good little humans. 

Maybe the Sunday before Father’s Day could be dubbed Dad’s Day… Where at first I thought that it might have been occupied by Bereaved Father’s Day. But interestingly Bereaved Father’s Day doesn’t follow the same pattern as Bereaved Mother’s Day, the week before Mother’s Day. It falls on the week after fathers day, or the last week in June. But that’s only in some counties. International bereaved Fathers day Falls on August 26th [4] Around the world Mother’s and Father’s Day bereaved or not are celebrated throughout the year on different dates. All dependent on location and cultural connection to beliefs. [3]

But from where I sit, I would like to take this moment before Father’s Day in Canada to celebrate all of the amazing dads in this world.

To the bereaved dad’s who may feel their loss deeper next week, Light and Love To You. 

To all the dads who helped create and develop beautiful little people, Thanks, To You. 

To all the dads who may not be titled Dad or share blood but stand and support, Gratitude To You.  

To my dad, father-in-law and husband, thank you for all that you do. Blessings is the only way to describe how lucky we are to have you.  

Happy Dad’s Day. 

I love you. 

JEMI

P.S. 

In the words of Susannah Faith…

“Time is arguably the most important thing.
What’s one thing we always wish we could have more of. 
Maybe less of.
Time. 
It’s more precious than anything anyone could give to anybody. 
It’s worth more than all the money in the world.
Time is something I never got with my father.
That reality wasn’t made for me. 
I always used to tell people I didn’t have a dad. 
Looking back on it, I had the best dad in the world. 
He may not have been my biological father, but my grandpa was the best male figure that I could imagine. 
Yeah he wasn’t your perfect average suburban dad. But he always seems to have the farmer’s tan. 
Grandpa is quiet, he keeps to himself most of the time. 
Although, I know better than almost everyone when I say he has the strongest opinions. 
My dad may have not been there, but I didn’t learn how to ride a bike on my own.
Grandpa was there. 
He taught me photography, which is still one of my favourite things. He also taught me to wear gloves when using a hammer, cuz I’ll “lose a finger” 
Well I could go on forever.
My whole life I thought it would just be all the woman, and my grandpa + uncle Mike because he was cool. An uncle who always took me out to movies. 
Then my mom got married to William.
As much as I push and resist having male figures in my life, a reaction to my experiences, he’s alright.
Will is one of the nicest guys you can find around. That’s pretty good considering there’s about 7 billion people in the world. 
I also know I definitely don’t make it easy.
But looking back over the last few years, I appreciate everything he does. 
I know I don’t say it much but I see how hard he works for everyone. How many things he sacrifices for my mum and our little family. 
I guess in a shorter story I’d just say thank you Will. 
As I said before, I always thought it would be the women, grandpa and Uncle Mike. But it’s really nice having you and your whole family around. 
It’s better than nice, I really don’t have the words to describe how nice it actually is. 
I’m not really good at this whole emotions thing, so I don’t know how sentimental this is going to sound.
But the truth is, I love you, and your whole family. I love that both of our families are now blending together into one. And how quickly my little family isn’t so little anymore.
Thank you grandpa, for being my rock, and I mean literally standing in the same spot after school every day for my entire school career. 
Thank you for never missing a sports game or any other event in my life. Thank you for loving me, even when we disagree.
Thank you both, for changing and showing me new aspects of life every day, and always making time, in a world where it seems there can never be enough of it.

So long story short,

I love you.

Happy Father’s Day.

SFM”

Sources

[1] “1951 Donald Duck Dude Duck,” YouTube, 12-Oct-2015. [Online]. Available: https://youtu.be/BRl3-L4fI1Q. [Accessed: 14-Jun-2021].

[2] “Father,” Merriam-Webster. [Online]. Available: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/father#:~:text=1a(1)%20%3A%20a,who%20has%20sired%20an%20offspring. [Accessed: 14-Jun-2021].

[3] “Father’s Day,” Wikipedia, 14-Jun-2021. [Online]. Available: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father%27s_Day. [Accessed: 14-Jun-2021].[4] Yvonne Bertovich Contributing writer , “How Do You Acknowledge International Bereaved Father’s Day?,” Cake Blog. [Online]. Available: https://www.joincake.com/blog/bereaved-fathers-day/. [Accessed: 14-Jun-2021].