Bump… Boss… Baby…

On International Women’s Day 2021 I attended the Skills Ontario online conference. Where some amazing stories of pregnancy in the trades and how colleagues responded was highlighted. I felt inspired and started reminiscing about my own story.

I am a Mother of three and have had the pleasure of telling a boss that I was expecting twice. My first daughter was my inspiration to start a career in trades and technology. I was an unemployed 18 year old and didn’t have to inform anyone but family of that pregnancy. I actually isolated myself from friends making my daughter top priority. Being so young I didn’t have much in common with my friends at that time. Regardless of our differences my true friends stayed. Perhaps not on a daily or even monthly basis. But true friends could be estranged for years, then reunite like no time has passed. 

Anyway, Susannah (eldest daughter) and I spent our days filled with programs provided by the Ontario Early Years Centers. (Now called  EarlyOn Centres) During this time however I did feel and hear the stares and whispers of disapproval from some. But they didn’t bother me, or at least, so I thought and the amount of supportive voices prevailed. Where I was grateful for the opportunity to be this perfect little human’s momma. She helped me see the many doors available for an amazing life. We started off on a wonderful journey that helped educate and inspire. Together being a part of the “Roots of Empathy” an anti-bullying program, where babies go to grade one and teach six year olds empathy. I also was able to go back to my high school to speak in a parenting class about being a young mom. Taking our experiences as a gift worth sharing, regardless of the naysayers. 

With my second pregnancy, I was a student working for the vocational facility I was training with. Just finishing the second year of a welding technology program, I was burnt out. From the commute (111km one way), course load, work and being a mom. Thank goodness for my support system. Things would have been even tougher without them. At the time I was actually working on possible good reasons to take a break from school. The facility was going through changes, a move actually and things were less than ideal. I was looking to have a successful third year and the situation at the time was not a recipe for success. Funny how the universe works, as I was stressing about the return to school I was given a blessing. 

A blessing in more ways than one, at the time my eldest daughter was seven. I had periodically thought about whether I would ever give her a sibling. Also, years prior I was diagnosed and dealt with an aggressive Crohn’s disease episode. Which is worth its own article… That said, at that point in time I still found myself in remission, not on any maintenance drugs. With that I trusted the path before me. I gave my boyfriend at the time an out, as we had only started the relationship three months prior. But in my eyes, nothing was going to stop me from this opportunity.

Now with a new baby in the picture I needed to take steps in preparation. One, take a step back from school. That was easy and hard to do. Yes I needed a break, but I couldn’t help occasionally feeling like I was starting all over again. Two, line up a job for the end of my contact. Which was also challenging as I don’t want to start a new career in the welding industry, to turn around and go on maternity leave. I actually turned down a fantastic opportunity because of this. Knowing how small industry can be, I didn’t want to taint my name in any way. With this, I understand how a company legally can’t discriminate against a pregnant woman. But life is about choosing your battles, or directional steps.  So I was honest with the company, then respectively declined. They told me to call back in the future, if I was ever interested. I have yet to take them up on that offer as my path has always been abundant in work opportunities. A great example of how the feeling of stability is gained through connections that are made. 

Bringing it back, as my contract was coming to an end I approached my boss and discussed options. A conversation that was difficult only because of my own reservation. My boss was so understanding, she was behind me 100%. She wasn’t able to guarantee work, but I believe she went through the channels to create a position for me to work a few more contracts. Now, that’s not without dedication and hard work on my part. Which was the reason she wanted me to stay on. I had also earned the respect of some faculty members and was requested to support one’s class, as a welding technologist. 

Before continuing with my pregnancy reveals;

I want to address something that occurs periodically, that I normally choose not to acknowledge. However, this reaction doesn’t educate on the impact it has. I’ve always believed in trying to take the high road. Do not let other people’s actions dictate your reactions. Don’t mirror the behaviour. I have found in many aspects ignoring the behaviour can make it stop. But it only works through visibility and understanding that the behaviour has occurred, before it can start to adapt. 

It’s connected through the last mention.
I only bring it up because it was brought to my attention. 
Sex has never accelerated my career or education. 
How dare you be the hand of degradation. 
Oh my indignation.

Gentleman, I don’t mind jokes, sarcasm is one of my best friends. But don’t assume that I can’t be professional, or ethical. One power of a woman is deciding when she chooses to invite someone into bed. With the amount of responsibilities in my life I could wait the duration of my education if there was ever any inclination. But to be clear, I have never slept with anyone in a position of power to accelerate my education or career. I felt so disrespected when this came up. I worked my ass off to be around the top of the class. As well as, take care of the other responsibilities in my world. I was the only female in my first two years and many of the guys were young. So this response is probably due to age, from hormonal changes… I wonder how a man feels about their hormonal changes being described as reasoning for an action?

Regardless of whether a hormonal influence had something to do with someone’s reaction it’s not an excuse or source of weakness. Understanding why you might have reacted in a certain way is your own personal discovery of yourself and should not be used to berate, only to enlighten. 

Anyway, the program is based on a career requiring a high ethical fibre. This is one reason why I believe many men in the industry treat women with respect. I am also fairly confident that the commenters respect women in industry today. Perhaps my response of respect and truth at the time to their comments helped shed some light of learning.

Pulling us back again, through hard work, I had more contracts offered to me for the duration of my pregnancy. During that time I continued to unload and set up five shops with a crew of 2 to 6 depending on the day. Without getting too in depth, some perspective. A robotics lab with a few welding cells, a welding skills lab with 45 booths most equipped  with two welding machines and an oxy acetylene system. A fabrication lab with 24 stations, an employee technologists work area, as well as a welding technologist skills lab with I can’t even recall how many systems. Needless to say there was a lot of stuff to get done. Everyone on the crew was fantastic, and didn’t treat me any different.

Actually, I remember when we were loading out the old facility I was responsible for preparing many welding machines for shipping. So I disconnected, coiled, wrapped and got the equipment to the overhead door. At one point, one of the guys loading the truck said he couldn’t pack because the welders were too heavy. Where my mentor then came and asked me to show these guys how it was done… However, come to think of it, these guys didn’t know I was pregnant at this time. Still a triumph, being asked to show the guys how to get the job done. Any who, from there my final contract had been logged until February 16th. The next chapter started with a beautiful 9lb 6oz baby girl on February 19th. 

Then with my third baby eight years later, I remember telling one of my boss’ that I was pregnant and her response was something like, “you are the only person that could give me this news. I am so grateful to be here sharing it with you. Thank you for giving me this experience.” This was the response as I was the only female faculty and technologists under her supervision. 

For this part of the journey I felt very supported by my supervisors. Who both at the time were female. But regardless of past experience, I was still fearful to tell them, to tell anyone about my pregnancy. Other than my direct colleague who I worked shoulder to shoulder with, I didn’t say anything until around 6 months into the pregnancy. I felt it was important to communicate directly with people who needed to know. Especially for shop safety, in case something happened to me. But even then I only told a few people. I kept it in as long as I could. 

I have experience on how some act towards being a female in industry, not pregnant. I didn’t need to provide an excuse for inferior behaviour. I have always been a firm believer that not much needs to change while pregnant. (However, always listen to your body and consult your doctor.) So knowing I couldn’t control others’ reactions I didn’t provide them with something to react to. Maybe this was self-preservation as I was extremely busy during this time, and didn’t need any unnecessary distractions. 

So I continued doing my job up until 4 days before the baby was born. I actually planned to work until the day before the baby, but my boss said I was done that day. Technically I worked the hours anyway as I stayed at work until past 8pm to get all the loose ends tied up. It was great to finish with a 13 hour day. That was a Friday, baby boy 9lb 1oz was born Wednesday morning. A little over 12h past the time they started an induction the day before. In hindsight I’m thankful that my boss had me finish everything on Friday so I could have 3 days of full relaxation before the excitement of welcoming a baby into this world. 

With each pregnancy, I was my own advocate for any accommodation if necessary. Discussions with doctors were brief, as information was scarce. We discussed how handling certain types of metal could be harmful, fume hazards and to be cautious when lifting. From my perspective it was my responsibility as the expert in my field to advocate for the potential hazards. To alleviate some of the concern my husband purchased a Powered Air Purifying Welding Shield to protect myself and our baby during my last pregnancy. But each time, I never thought that pregnancy and work should have been multidimensional conversation involving health & safety and human resources. Where I stood my bosses just said whatever you need they’ll work out how to accommodate. Yet thinking back now I feel like I was almost flying blindly, doing research in my free time. Where now I believe, there needs to be more education and support on the topic of hazards and expectations during pregnancy in industry. That the stigma of working pregnant needs to be honored and embraced, not hidden.

For both my pregnancies working as a welding technologist my position provided me enough flexibility to avoid situations I felt I couldn’t manage. But honestly looking back, I don’t think I asked for any accommodations other than asking one of the guys to help with an awkward load or something. which I probably would have asked for even if I wasn’t pregnant. 

During my last pregnancy I was a triple threat. I worked as a faculty, as a technologist and as a student. Remember how I never went back to finish my third year when I was pregnant with my second. Things came full circle, and I planned to have my third baby bridge the time that I was finishing up that third year. Which I actually broke, into 3 years. Working and going to school part-time. A necessary alteration to accommodate all of my responsibilities.

Interestingly, I believe there was impact from the naysayers way back when during my first pregnancy. However, cognitively unaware at the time, but I believe keeping my pregnancies secret from everyone outside of my immediate village stems from those naysayers. Perhaps it was the pressure of walking a path not typical to old school societal definitions. Or I like to think, I don’t have time for any Bull Shit and tried to control the situations for as long as possible.  In hindsight I should have put my need for control aside and fought through the growing pains to help industry evolve inclusivity for women. Trailblazing rather than self preservation.  If you find or plan yourself pregnant in trades, make noise you are creating life, and deserve to work without judgement! 

Comment and share your story. It is just as important and impactful as the rest. 

Through this journey I’m grateful for all the influence, negative and positive. To the naysayers for providing prospective and a resiliency, inducting reflection that leads to growth. But most importantly I am grateful, for all of the amazing support from mentors, supervisors, colleagues, family and friends whose voices help keep my mind on the positive side of the sin wave. 

Thank you, I would not be where I am, without having all aspects contributing to my journey. 

JEMI

Edited By WDI